Movie Review: ZooLander
Rating:
2 out of 10
Director:
Ben Stiller
Writers:
Drake Sather, Ben Stiller, John Hamburg
Starring:
Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor, Owen
Wilson
Saw
at: Showcase Cinema,
I caught the last showing of "Zoolander," on on a Sunday night. There is good reason why I go to the last show on a Sunday: to avoid people. It is even better to go to a last show on a Monday because you can even avoid more people, but I guess I was impatient.
I don't normally go to the Dedham theater. I did so in an effort to avoid the bullshit toll increases on the Massachusetts Turnpike. That turned out to be a mistake.
When
I get inside the theater I see a line at the ticket counter. A
line? On Sunday? On the last show? Are you
kidding me? I am a few minutes late after waiting on the line but at least
I don't miss any of the movie as they're still showing
trailers. The theater is crowded. I am near kids. Kids?
On Sunday? At
"Zoolander" starts out okay. Ben Stiller's character, Derek Zoolander, male model, makes a lot of funny faces. There is a lot of physical humor, enough to keep my interest in the absence of funny dialog. Then, one of the kids next to me starts rocking back and forth in his chair. The chair is creaking and squeaking. He will not stop. It is starting to drive me crazy.
It gets worse. The novelty of the movie starts wearing off. Either that or the kids have gotten to me. Then, these goddamn adolescents enter the theater. A whole goddamn talky gang of them. And they're talking, commenting about the movie like they own the place and they are amused by how "Zoolander," pokes funs of the gay fashion industry. Ben Stiller plays a sensitive, effeminate model type. "You're a faggot," they yell at Ben Stiller on the movie screen, as if the character he's playing is a real person that could hear what they're saying. "Faggoty-ass bitch!" Idiots!
At this point all hope of enjoying this movie was lost. I can't watch a movie and contend with seat-creaking kids and asshole adolescents. It's just too much. I gave the movie 2 out of 10. The rating is probably a little more harsh then the movie itself deserves, but I rate the movie-going experience, not just the movie. I doubt, even under ideal viewing conditions that I would've rated "Zoolander" much higher. It is lame and has the dumbest plot in the world, which is okay for a comedy, so long as it's funny. Some of the stuff is stolen from "Seinfield", such as the joke about the "male hand model." Ben Stiller's father, Jerry Stiller, has a role in the movie, playing a screaming Frank Costanza like character. The movie is well acted and directed. The problem I believe is that they didn't have much of a script to work with.
On a nostalgic note, the actress who played Derek Zoolander's love interest looked uncannily like Maureen McCormick who played Marcia Brady on "The Brady Bunch." My internal dialog went something like this:
"It's her, Marcia Brady—Maureen McCormick. I'm so happy she found work. It makes me feel not so old and washed up to know that she's still thriving."
"No it can't be. Maureen McCormick would be too old by now to look so young."
"Some people age very gracefully. Perhaps she had plastic surgery. Perhaps when she's not acting she lives in a tank of formaldehyde with tubes running into her mouth and stomach for air and food."
"No. Look at her nose. Take a very, very careful look. It's not the exact same nose."
"Maybe the slight variation in the nose has something to do with the "Brady Bunch" episode when her brother accidentally throws a football at her nose and the resulting swelling made her look like Cyrano de Bergerac. Maybe something did happen to her nose and the football episode was a way to write it into the script.
"You gotta be kidding me..."
"Maybe it's her daughter."
"Perhaps."
Well, it turns out that the actress in question is not Maureen McCormick. Her name is Christine Taylor. I do not know whether she has any genetic relation to Maureen McCormick, but, according to IMDb, she has played Marcia Brady in the 90's Brady Bunch parody movies. Well in any case, Christine Taylor is beautiful, even if her nose differs slightly from Maureen McCormick's. She did a good acting job too.
The
next day I found out why there were so many people at the theater: It was
Columbus Day. My calendar program, made by Corel, which is, I believe, a Canadian
company, doesn't mention anything about it being Columbus Day. Instead it
says, " Thanksgiving (
10/13/2001
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